As the U.S. presidential election builds to its bizarre crescendo, daily life goes on. But there’s an undercurrent of deep anxiety affecting people across the political spectrum. It’s like the ominous music in a thriller warning you of trouble to come. At first, the music is so subtle that it’s barely audible. But suddenly, your feelings are very big, threatening to overwhelm you. If you pay close attention to the music, you’ll better understand your response. You’ll notice that the rhythm is pulsing, the melody haunting, the harmony discordant. If you pay attention to your body, you might notice that you’re clutching the edge of your seat, or digging your nails into your partner’s arm. Maybe your heart’s beating faster, or you’re suddenly sweating. Your thoughts might be louder, as if there were exclamation points at the ends of sentences.
If you pay attention, you might recognize an old acquaintance: Fear. For some people, fear in a thriller movie is fun. For others, not so much. But most people would agree that being suddenly afraid in a real-life situation is not a pleasant experience. In an unsafe situation, fear can save your life. But if fear is incongruent with the degree of risk, it can also cause unnecessary distress.
Assessing and managing uncomfortable emotions is one of the most common topics people bring to therapy. Avoidance and distraction, the most obvious solutions, are only effective to a point. This is because our emotions are communicating information to us. And if we don’t listen, they feel neglected and annoyed, becoming more persistent, like tantruming toddlers.
So it’s important to pay attention to uncomfortable feelings. But how? Here are some
suggestions:
1. Identify, name, and write them down. Use a feelings wheel or feelings list, which you can find online. Once feelings are identified, they lose some of their power. And once they’re written down, you’ve released them from your body, and they have more space to move around. You can also write down the feelings, and put them away in a drawer or a box until you’re better equipped to handle them.
2. Remember that feelings aren’t good or bad, negative or positive. They don’t have moral value.
3. Listen to the messages underneath the feelings. Uncomfortable feelings are usually trying to protect you in some way. They’re often triggered by thoughts, either rational or irrational. Emotions can get carried away, or show up out of habit, but they’re usually well-intentioned. Once you understand their intentions, you can assure them that you’re paying attention, and they don’t need to work so hard to get their point across. Imagine yourself “turning down the volume” on a device which is projecting your emotions.
4. Practice radical acceptance. Take a few moments to sit with your emotions. Ask yourself how your life would be different if you could stop avoiding or fighting them, and simply accept them.
5. Practice cognitive defusion. Step back from the emotions and “just notice” them, with interest, curiosity, and distance.
6. Use visualization and imagery. Come up with a metaphor for each feeling. For example, sadness is like a storm cloud, or anger like a pot of water about to boil, or shame like a turtle hiding its head. Take some time to visualize the image, and then expand on the metaphor. For example, visualize the clouds passing overhead, or turn the heat down before the pot boils, or wait patiently near the turtle until it feels safe enough to come back out.
7. Use sensory comforts: put on a favorite hoodie, use a weighted blanket, listen to music or brown/pink noise, re-read a favorite book, use essential oils, make a cup of tea or comfort food, swing in a hammock, spend time in nature.
8. Use affirmations and positive self-talk. Remind yourself that the feeling will pass, that you’ve survived difficult times before, that you’re strong and resilient.
9. Reach out for support to a friend, family member, therapist, or crisis line (you can call or text 988 24-hours/day).
10. Use problem-solving skills and take action to address the problem which triggered thefeeling. Even a small step can help ease the intensity of the feeling.
11. Use physical and creative outlets like exercise, journaling, art, and music to explore the feelings.
12. Find ways to laugh. Watch an old comedy re-run or cute animal videos. Imagine the current situation from the perspective of a bewildered alien. Humor can sometimes be the best medicine.
13. Pay attention to your physical symptoms, and use progressive relaxation, mindfulness, yoga, or breathing exercises to regulate your body. As the election nears, actively decide how much exposure you want to the news and social media, delete relevant apps, and set timers. Be intentional. We may not be able to control the outcome of elections, but we do have control over how we respond to our emotions. The next time you get stuck in an uncomfortable feeling, challenge yourself to try something new. Take a step back.
Be creative. Invest in your well-being.
Cast a ballot for your future self.
Written by Karen M. Seif, LCSW, LICSW